The holidays were not particularly great for me. I was going through a lot and dealing with some heartache. All I managed to do for 3 days was lay on the couch and watch Parks & Rec reruns on Netflix. Not exactly healthy, but if I wasn’t focusing on watching it I would find myself bursting out into tears. I had to do something to distract my mind and reruns of one of my favorite shows did the trick.
I’m sure everyone goes through that funk from time to time, but as someone who deals with depression I had to constantly catch myself from falling into a pit of despair. “I’m going to die alone”, “no one loves me”, “I’m not good enough”; all of those horrible and untrue thoughts kept popping up in my head. So I laid there and focused on the show.
This is probably my third go around with watching this series, but something struck me while watching it in my depressed stupor. I want to be like Andy Dwyer. No, he’s not that smart and he doesn’t have any money, but he has a will to carry on. If you are not familiar with the show then just imagine a bumbling idiot with a big heart who lives in a pit. Yes, in the beginning of the series he is homeless and lives in a dirt pit next to his ex-girlfriends house. Now, it would be easy for anyone to lose hope when you are homeless; but not for Andy. He turns the experience into a song and takes life for what it is. Sure, it’s uncomfortable and odd, but he just slowly works his way up, figuratively and literally.
I need to be more like Andy because when I’m in my “pit” I just wallow. Very rarely do I see the hurt I’m in and realize that it’s temporary or know that it will teach me a lesson, I envision it being the rest of my life. When I’m sad or in despair I’m often consumed by it. Feelings are just feelings, they are not facts. But my feelings become the authority and it’s a bad habit that I’m trying to break.
The lesson from Andy Dwyer is knowing that bad things happen, but they are not permanent. And when bad things happen, the level of severity is really determined by how you view and react to the situation. Was the holiday break easy for me? No. Did I potentially make it worse by thinking the worst? Yes. Learning to make bad situations into art or into a lesson will make the blow a little less excruciating.
So, yes, I want to be the next lead singer of Mouse Rat.